So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
