Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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