i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
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