therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
