I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
