We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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