Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i think i scared a bird with my dick
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
