unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize
