so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
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