Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
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