in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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