She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
