whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Need sex. Gaining weight.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
