I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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