what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
