I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
how do flat chested girls get laid?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
How does one acquire holy water?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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