you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
