I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
