I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
