After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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