you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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