he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
do herpes really smell.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
