Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
