...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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