I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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