in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
