we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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