She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
