Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
