you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
