just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
