I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
