Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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