I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
