YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
