i was rollin on her like bob the builder
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
