In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
