I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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