who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
