i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
