Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Randomize
