Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
