just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
