I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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