I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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