one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
