she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
