I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Randomize
