I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
