Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
